A few things:

1. Starting a cleanse the day before your team plays in the Superbowl is the worst idea I’ve ever had.

2. Quinoa gets old. Fast. Especially when all you want are cupcakes and skittles.

3. So does celery. And Brussels sprouts. And hummus. And lettuce.

4. Sugar withdrawals are the real deal. Contrary to reports, fruit doesn’t fill the void.

5. Goooo Seahawks!

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